[27:55 J.Sheppard has logged on]
R.McKay
While poignant and oddly fitting, symbolically, playing Solitaire is not a substitute for writing your mission report
27:55
J.Sheppard
Please tell me you're not hacking my laptop.
27:56
R.McKay
Oh yes, when I formatted it for you last week, I installed a literal spyware. I do have better things to do with my valuable time than to monitor your computer activities. Requisition forms and Myst don't interest me much.
Although I do find the page of hyphenated names oddly endearing. I prefer McKay to be listed first, of course.
27:57
J.Sheppard
Tapping into the security system?
27:57
Very funny, McKay.
27:58
R.McKay
I can only imagine what gestures accompanied that question. I almost wish I was.
27:58
So how is the report
27:59
J.Sheppard
how'd you know I was playing Solitaire?
27:59
R.McKay
coming along? It's been 2 hours.
Genius, remember?
27:59
J.Sheppard
I have the file open. Name, rank, serial #, date, location and blood type all filled in.
If I was writing this out, I'd have all my pencils sharpened and in a row
00:00
R.McKay
That bad?
00:00
J.Sheppard
That bad.
Two hours?
00:01
R.McKay
I've been gone a little over two hours now, yes. When I left, you were gung-ho about getting the thing typed up and done. Tonight.
00:01
J.Sheppard
That was the plan. The reality is not so much and definitely that bad.
00:02
Any suggestions, Professor?
00:03
R.McKay
Ha. Be glad you're not one of my students. I'll tell you what I'd tell them. Bullet point/outline the main points and connect the dots.
I cleaned up the language from what I would have told them
00:03
J.Sheppard
You really are a romantic Rodney
00:04
R.McKay
Of course I am.
Report?
00:04
J.Sheppard
Got harpooned. Taken hostage. Saw a ghost that wasn't and was even uglier than I remembered. Talked philosophy. Got beat up. Plotted 18 ways to kill Kolya with a shoe lace and one of those stupid Genii hats. Starred in a bad horror movie complete with bad dialogue, cheap sets and a lot of pain and life sucking.
00:05
R.McKay
The bad horror movie was no treat from this end, either
00:07
J.Sheppard
I read Elizabeth's report
00:07
R.McKay
She's already filed hers? Showoff
00:08
J.Sheppard
how's your stomach?
00:09
R.McKay
She included that???
00:10
J.Sheppard
No cArson told
Or Carson, rather
00:10
R.McKay
Bastard
00:10
J.Sheppard
Rodney...
00:10
R.McKay
It's fine. Honest. Carson gave me something for it and the pain's mostly gone. He suggested less stress, less coffee and more sleep. As if I can just snap my fingers. I'm almost completely recovered now that there's not as much to worry about
00:11
You were on a roll. Keep going with the report.
00:12
J.Sheppard
more playing the human punching bag. did some Godot with a Wraith. More life sucking. More Godot while my joints ached and bones dried up. Rewrote my will in my head. Teyla's getting my guitar. You get War & Peace, the Man in Black and Speed Racer, btw. Ronon's still getting the other board. And the skateboard. I didn't thik you'd mind. Speed Racer's all yours.
think you'd mind. Must be more tired than I thought.
00:14
R.McKay
No, it's yours. This does not need to be discussed right now, last I checked, you are very much alive.
00:15
J.Sheppard
We should take the boards out sometime soon. We haven't done that in a while.
00:15
R.McKay
You should really come with inertial dampeners for your subject changes tonight.
We were discussing your report
00:16
J.Sheppard
I could hear that snapping from here.
00:17
R.McKay
how about tomorrow.
Stop grinning and write. The sooner you finish, the sooner I can sleep.
00:17
J.Sheppard
Plotted The Great Escape, ended up in The Defiant Ones.
00:17
Threw knives. Even Ronon would've been impressed
00:18
R.McKay
He's set the bar pretty high
00:19
J.Sheppard
Seriously, it was beautiful. I coulda been a contender. Got lost. Got my life sucked and spit back out again. Got rescued. Went home
00:20
R.McKay
There you go.
00:20
J.Sheppard
Think Elizabeth would take that as my report?
00:21
R.McKayNo.
00:21
J.Sheppard
So how's your important work in the lab coming along?
00:24
R.McKay
Radek's latest reports seem to indicate that we are indeed surrounded by idiots
00:24
J.Sheppard
I see we're on the Nobel track tonight.
00:24
R.McKay
Keep that up and I'll give your icon to Lorne
00:25
J.Sheppard
Which is?
Hey, this is cool.
Try giving it to Lorne and I'll just order him to give it to me.
00:25
R.McKay
Yes sir, Colonel.
And, for you information, the Nobel Prize didn't work. It just looked like a gold dot.
This looked best.
That would be for *your* information
00:26
J.Sheppard
I'm still not joining.
00:26
I hate writing reports.00:33
R.McKay
now you really are starting to sound like one of my students.
and don't you dare reference van halen
00:34
J.Sheppard
Spoilsport
00:34
oh, hey, when are you getting your stripes?
00:35
R.McKay
???
Stripes?
00:35
J.Sheppard
I heard you gave a rousing speech to the troops before the rescue mission. And you gave me credit as inspiration. I'm touched, Patton.
00:36
R.McKay
Touched in the head, maybe.
00:36
J.Sheppard
You really know how to make a guy feel loved
00:37
R.McKay
You knew we would, right? Look for you. I... We… Stupid fcuking Genii and their warehouses. We looked, kept looking. God damn Kolya.
*fucking. Fuck.
00:37
J.Sheppard
I knew. Thank you.
00:38
R.McKay
We were always coming for you
00:38
J.Sheppard
I know
00:38
R.McKay
They've learned a thing or two since the days of unlocked secret underground bunkers.
00:39
J.Sheppard
I meant it earlier. Thanks for showing up. i knew you would, but thank you for actually doing it.
00:39
R.McKay
You're part of my team. We don't leave anyone behind. See? I do listen to you
00:40
J.Sheppard
Yes you do
00:40
sometimes
00:41
R.McKay
Having any luck?
00:51
J.Sheppard
No. Can't I just turn in the video, prof? Please? It's all on tape.
00:52
R.McKay
1) No. That wasn't the assignment, Mr. Sheppard. This isn't a multi-media class. 2) Kolya's broadcasts weren't exactly Michael Moore-quality exposes, there's a lot not on that tape 3) I'm not the one making you write it. Take your senioritis-afflicted whining to Elizabeth. She's just going to tell you to suck it up.
00:53
Suddenly, this isn't so funny anymore.
00:54
Sheppard?
00:56
Colonel?
00:57
John? Seriously, I'm sorry.
00:58
J.Sheppard
I'm here. Just needeThe laptop froze on me for a minute there.
00:59
R.McKay
Isn't that one of the new ones that
Nevermind.
01:00
Fuck the report.
01:02
J.Sheppard
I do have some standards, McKay. And the papercuts...
01:02
R.McKay
You'd almost be funny if the report wasn't completely written, sent and filed over the computer, and hence paperless.
I'm serious, John. You need sleep
01:03
J.Sheppard
Hypocrite
01:03
R.McKay
This is one time Elizabeth won't be expecting a report on her desk first thing. Let yourself off the hook and close the file. We'll work on it in the morning.
01:04
J.Sheppard
Almost done w your genius stuff?
01:04
R.McKay
Never, but such is the life of a genius. Always more to do. Enough for tonight, tho. Already powered down the equip and m heading out now.
01:05
J.Sheppard
K
and thanks
01:05
R.McKay
need anything from the mess/
01:05
J.Sheppard
Nope. M good.
01:06
R.McKay
K
01:06
J.Sheppard
..
01:06
R.McKay
..
Be home in few.
01:06
[01:07 R.McKay has logged off]